Big Town is agog with excitement as Sheik Abdul Bimir arrives for a ceremony at City Hall. Mayor Finney (even wearing one of those cartoony big mayoral badges with ribbon) introduces the dignitary and talks about his country's value in terms of supplying oil (naturally). Our Hero Carter Nash (William Daniels of course) is in the crowd and spots a bedouin-looking gentleman trying to heave a decorative cement sphere loose from it's moorings... and onto the sheik. Carter tries to tell the policeman next to him, but he and everyone else shushes him.
So Captain Nice goes into action, changing in a conveniently open florist's van. He catches the tumbling architecture as it falls. Dumb as a brick Chief Segal (Bill Zuckert) yells to "Get the police!" after the would-be killer (reminded that he *is* the police, "I certainly got here fast.") Carter asks the mayor if he'd mind holding the objet d'art and flies off, while Sgt. Kane explains Captain Nice to the sheik, "He's always around when there's trouble." ("Who isn't?)
Our hero returns having failed to nab the culprit. The sheik threatens vengeance when the perpetrator is caught, including lashes. Captain Nice says he should show mercy. "Mercy for a man who tried to kill me in cold blood not two minutes ago?" Captain Nice's riposte: "I know, but how long are you gonna hold a grudge?"
The sheik is in town for a massive shopping spree, even expressing a desire to buy the whole city ("I can send back what I don't use.") While the mayor telephones local merchants, Sgt. Kane brings a report to the chief and catches the sheik's eye. He in turn tells his chief aide Ibid (James Lanphier) that he wants her, while a weary Ibid says he's up to 119 wives.
Ibid follows his sire's wishes by asking for extra police protection, and the sheik chooses Sgt. Kane. As for the assassin, the sheik says to look out for a Dulumba tribesman, "bloodthirsty animals who murder and plunder without conscience." Mayor Finney tuts that they sound dangerous. "Yes, we are."
The rampant stereotyping moves to the crime lab as Sgt. Kane gives the sheik and Ibid a tour and introduces them to Carter Nash. The sheik expresses a healthy interest in scientific technology, but when he asks Carter to simplify how a microscope works, it boils down to "It's magic." (Hoo boy.) Carter demonstrates a lie detector, and the sheik mentions the method they employ: "We chain the suspect to a post in the blistering midday sun, then the entire village gathers round and stones him to death." "But then you never know if he's innocent or guilty!" "We're still ironing out the kinks." These are the "jokes," folks.
Yebba brings a gift from himself and the staff ("Some of the guys only chipped in a quarter.") Sgt. Kane checks it with a bomb detector, which goes off. She dunks the package in water, though Yebba claims it's a pair of lovely earmuffs. As the hapless merchant is dragged to a room by Ibid, Sgt. Kane finds the box contained... lovely earmuffs. Then an explosion: the bomb was Yebba himself (!) The sheik is even more enamored now that the sergeant has saved his life and proposes marriage. The sergeant seizes on the excuse that she belongs to another and names Carter Nash.
Cut to the man himself in the mayor's office, pointing out that the sheik is a cruel vicious man, hated by his own people and shunned by civilized nations. The mayor, however, only cares about how much money he'll spend (first really accurate part of the episode). Enter Mrs. Nash (Alice Ghostley) at last, and her first name is revealed as Esther. She's irked that her brother hasn't arranged for her to entertain the visiting sheik. The mayor thinks it's a great idea, and Mrs. Nash would have mentioned it earlier but she was having the invitations printed. (The laugh track responds dutifully. I did not.)
Carter delivers the invitation, and the sheik has his harem greet Carter, hoping he'll "take one of them for your very own" and thus leave Sgt. Kane free. When this fails, the sheik plots with Ibid to poison Carter at Mrs. Nash's luncheon, with rare poison Yopa.
Coda. Carter presents the lab findings, while an admiring Sgt. Kane repeats what he says. After some forensic discussion, he wonders if Ibid will be tried by their laws or ours:
when a tribesman lies, they cut off his tongue, and they cut off his hand if he steals. If he murders? They cut off his allowance. (Ha ha ha).
Boy, this one was a chore to get through. And sadly there's at least one more heavily racist episode to come (by the same writers, who also scripted the *best* episode in the series). But the next episode is more promising, a real superhero-style plot, "That Thing." Join us, won't you.